I write when I've had heartache in my life. Writing has always been an outlet for me, whether it's a song, or just writing in my journal. But it's usually been when I'm down and I'd like to start writing some happy thoughts, that's the reason for writing my book. Although there has been so much dysfunction in my life, there has also been some happiness, and I want to write it down in hopes of helping others who may have gone through similar experiences.
My brother recently told me that he didn't care about me. Well, at least it's finally out in the open. Harsh, but honest. I know I need to cut all ties with him and stop wasting time trying to make a relationship work that was never healthy or loving. But, fool that I am, I'm still hurt by it. When will I learn? Sometimes I think that I've been so conditioned by the dysfunctional relationships in my life that I have a hard time recognizing a healthy one. Wow, how sad is that!
That being said, I am finally able to completely put my trust in God and see where He will lead me. My faith in Him, plus the writing of my book, will allow me to heal. Praise God!
--le
Monday, 25 July 2011
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
Shaken!!
After my last entry, that I ended up deleting because of a comment I had made that should have been left unsaid, I thought that maybe I wouldn't blog anymore, but due to a few incidents that happened this week, I feel the need and desire to write them down in this blog. Plus, I didn't think anyone other than my daughter would be reading this, so hadn't really worried about what I was writing. Now I know better.
I follow my daughter's blog, and just read her entry about our meeting with my son, her brother. I'd like to correct a comment she made; she said she was grateful that he had decided to contact us. Actually what happened was this; I looked for him through a post-adoption registry and when we found him he agreed to start communication with me. We started emailing, I then put him in touch with his sisters and when he came out here for vacation he decided it was time to set up the meeting with us. During our earlier communications he confessed that had I not looked for him, he probably would never have looked for us, because he had a good life. He'd been curious about me and wondered if he had any siblings but never thought to take it any further than that. But now that I found him, he is very glad that I made the effort. This truly is such a miracle and I thought my family would be happy for me, but my family never does what I expect them to do. One of my brother's sent him a birthday wish via facebook, even though I'd asked him to not contact Cam. When does my family ever listen to me. However, the visit with Cam was "amazing" and I thank God every day that He brought him back to me.
I follow my daughter's blog, and just read her entry about our meeting with my son, her brother. I'd like to correct a comment she made; she said she was grateful that he had decided to contact us. Actually what happened was this; I looked for him through a post-adoption registry and when we found him he agreed to start communication with me. We started emailing, I then put him in touch with his sisters and when he came out here for vacation he decided it was time to set up the meeting with us. During our earlier communications he confessed that had I not looked for him, he probably would never have looked for us, because he had a good life. He'd been curious about me and wondered if he had any siblings but never thought to take it any further than that. But now that I found him, he is very glad that I made the effort. This truly is such a miracle and I thought my family would be happy for me, but my family never does what I expect them to do. One of my brother's sent him a birthday wish via facebook, even though I'd asked him to not contact Cam. When does my family ever listen to me. However, the visit with Cam was "amazing" and I thank God every day that He brought him back to me.
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